Was I The Same Way?

Two years ago I was with a man whom I thought was the love of my life. I met him at a wedding of a co-worker and he was the best man. I didn't know it, but everyone else had told him about me and it was a secret set up on their part. I met him and was smitten instantly. We were inseparable the rest of the night and well into the after party. I awoke early too anxious to hear from him and when I did, I asked him out to coffee before he had to make a long, three day trip back to Oklahoma, where he was from. Four days later I jumped on a plane and flew down to spend Labor Day weekend with him. It was a leap of faith, one that I never in a million years would have seen coming, but something I felt I had to do. You see this particular summer I had attended a total of 7 weddings and was beginning to wonder when it was my turn. When did I get the happy ending? When was it my turn to wear a pretty white dress and marry the man of my dreams? So when I met Dan, I thought that dreams maybe do come true.

The trip to Oklahoma was one of mixed emotions. I hated the state, but was falling hard and fast for Dan. I loved his confidence, his funny quirky sense of humor, and his ability to set me free. He made me feel like I was the only one in the entire world that mattered. Our relationship turned serious very quickly and within weeks we were saying those three little words that I refuse to throw around lightly. They're sacred to me. We began talking about marriage and children. We looked at rings and talked about where we'd live, and how we'd raise our children. It literally was everything I ever wanted...except for the fact that I lived in Washington, and he lived in Oklahoma. It was an intense relationship filled with extreme highs, and low lows. My family didn't see the man I saw. My friends tried to see the man I saw. His family saw someone strong, and stable and loving...the one for him. I tried to believe he was the man with everything I wanted. Sooner rather than later, I began to notice red flags but I tried to convince myself that it would be ok. It wasn't. I began to realize that I needed out of the relationship, and after 9 months, I did just that. I ended it, and broke his heart, and mine at the same time. I broke his because he needed someone in his life to make him feel loved and I ripped that away from him. I broke my own heart because I ripped out from under me the one thing I wanted more than anything...to be a wife and mother. I was ok. Sure I was sad, and lost, but I moved on. I was happy to be "free" again and not have the burden of his problems weighing on my shoulders and ultimately I was happy knowing that I didn't make a mistake.

4 months after our relationship ended I found out that he had gotten married. 4 MONTHS!!! This shot me into a complete downfall of depression. I was NOT ok. I was a mess. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't stop crying. I felt as if the universe was out to get me. Why me? Why did I deserve to go through this? I sought out counseling because I knew it wasn't something that I could fix on my own and after a few months, I began to heal. I don't think I'm 100% there, and probably won't be until someone shows me what true love really is. But I'm close. I know that I deserve better. I know that I dodged a major bullet by not marrying him, and I know that he couldn't have made me happy.

I write all of this because I have a friend who's boyfriend broke up with her 2 months ago after a 6 year relationship. I see her in a state of depression which has taken her into the world of cigarettes, pot and alcohol to ease her pain. She doesn't care about herself, and thinks that HE is what makes her complete. She thinks that she'll never love again, and doesn't believe in love. Everytime she calls me I hesitate to answer because I know it's going to be a long conversation about him, and how miserable she is. I don't want to hang out with her one-on-one for the same reasons. I feel terrible about this and know that I need to be there for her, but I can't handle it. I can't handle how she isn't helping herself. How she can sit there and email him and tell him how much she is hurting, and expect him to come running back to her. She is sabotaging herself and I can't sit here and watch her do it. It's driving me crazy and I don't know what to do. I want to help her so badly. I then begin to wonder. Was I this bad? Did I do the same things? Were my friends and family annoyed with me??

I just pray that there begins to be some sort of light at the end of the tunnel for her. I know there was for me.

I'm going here...

Tomorrow morning I am going here...

My new home for four days...

the lazy river...you will be my new best friend :)

Things I love...

How can you not just love this trio?! I die!

Again, if I had a child, they WOULD have this. 

I love the vintage feel these doves have. Kind of a fun idea
to give away 3 to girlfriends, and keep the 4th for yourself!

This makes me smile. Oh the simplicity but such a strong statement.

I'm such a sucker for bright colors..

The quirky side to me

Oh sure. I mean who doesn't need a
caged rock monkey?

All images from http://www.atwestend.com/

In my fantasy world...

I would be an interior decorator, or at least have the money and space to have these grand ideas and carry them out. I would never put all of these design elements in the same home, but I love them all and couldn't help but post! It just makes me giddy thinking about them and dreaming that one day I could have something even remotely like them!

I am obsessed with this space! I love how casual and inviting it is,  and how
uncluttered yet richly decorated at the same time. You can tell this is a space
to spend a lot of quality time together..and that's what's most important!

I am a kid in a candy store with this kitchen! HOW FUN!! Can you
imagine a kid going crazy in here (and by kid I mean me!) 

I love the natural colors in this room and how much impact the branches
have. I would probably insert a bit more dark brown but that's just because
I love dark wood to make it more cozy feeling :)

clearly not for a home, but I thought this was
a beautiful Fall wedding reception idea!

I would be an interior decorator, or at least have the money and space to have these grand ideas and carry them out. I would never put all of these design elements in the same home, but I love them all and couldn't help but post! It just makes me giddy thinking about them and dreaming that one day I could have something even remotely like them!

Vegas themed Bridal Shower

Here are some goodies from the bridal shower I helped throw a few weeks back for a girlfriend of mine. I am a sucker for a good theme party, so when given the chance to do a Vegas themed one, I went for it! :) We had a salad bar and then a dessert table. Most of what we had I figured out a way to tie it in to Vegas hotels, so many of the food items represented a major hotel on the Vegas Strip. Prizes for the games we played were a set of poker chips and a $5 scratch ticket :) I didn't get a picture of the drinks, but we had a "Tropicana Tropical Punch" a "Hard Rock Hurricane" and "Bellagio Water" :) 

Fish bowl with black & red poker chips and mini playing cards!

The table with the party favors! 

The party favors that everyone got when they left...
They said "Crystal's Taking A Shot At Love"

The bride wanted a giant salad bar and that's exactly what she got!
And OH was it a glorious thing!

Dessert table! What more could you ask for!

My attempt at playboy bunnies..not great, but a good try :)

haha I LOVE these! :)

MIA

Ok so I have been missing in action lately and I suppose I have a lot of updating to do. I've been so busy/overwhelmed this past week for many different reasons. I love lists, so here it goes...

1. Early mornings at work due to many committees I'm in charge of, and mentoring a new teacher that takes up A TON of my time and energy
2. Officiating HS volleyball two nights a week and coming home only to pass out from exhaustion
3. Cleaning the house so that my brother's "lady friend" wouldn't be repulsed when she flew in from Colorado (oh, and yes...my brother lives with me and can you tell how thrilled I am to have him and clean up after him?)
4. Working for my dad...he's in the middle of writing a books and has deadlines for his real job that were due like yesterday. SO I've been spending my time working for him to help him catch up
5. Trying to catch up with all my other responsibilities in my other jobs
6. Bachelorette party in Seattle for a girlfriend of mine who's getting married in Vegas in a few weeks

I promise I'll be better at posting!!